英语字幕来源：subscene.com 字幕翻译与制作：610/YT/Crystal/KAI/Carol/44
消消气
别想耍花招 比什拉维先生 No hanky-panky, Mr. Beshraavi,
人和鸟都给我老实点 from man or bird.
听他的 内吉 他认真的 Believe him, Nejim. He means it.
他说他要杀了我 He said he'd kill me.
拿下他 穆斯塔法 Get him, Mustafa.
嘿 别关门! 别关门! Hey, hold that door! Hold that door!
喂 别关门啊! What? Hold the door!
-真是抱歉 -我是这个航班去洛杉矶的 - Oh, I'm so sorry. - That's my flight to Los Angeles!
-真是抱歉 您刚好错过了 -我就是这个航班啊 - I'm so sorry. You just missed it. - I'm on that flight.
-听着 我赶上了 我人都到这儿了 -您就差一点点 - Look, I made the plane, I'm here! - You were so close...
-什么?! -...但不幸的是 - What?! - ... but unfortunately,
门已经关上并上锁了 the door is locked and closed.
-你不让我上飞机? -我知道您很失望 - You're not letting me on the plane? - I know it's frustrating,
但是一旦门关上 就没法了 but once the door closes, that's it.
联邦法规 Federal regulations.
我在酒店看电影耽搁了 I got caught up watching this movie in the hotel,
《谍海密码战》 索菲娅罗兰和格利高里派克那部 "Arabesque," with Sophia Loren and Gregory Peck.
-嗯哼 -让我进去吧 - Mm-hmm. - Please let me in here.
你讲点道理 飞机不就在那儿吗 You're so ridiculous. There's the plane right there.
您就当飞机不在那儿了吧 But, really, it's as if the plane's not there.
啥...你还是个魔术师不成？ Wha... are you a magician?
-不是 不过门的确锁上了 -我能看到飞机 - No, but the door is locked. - I see the plane.
如果你在变魔术 你变得可真差 If you're doing a trick, it's not a good trick.
我在尽量帮您找位置 I'm trying my best to accommodate you.
看着不像 你没有按黄金规则处理这事 It doesn't seem like it. You're not golden-ruling it.
"己所不欲 勿施于人" You're not doing unto others as you would have others do unto you.
可惜黄金规则不是联邦法规 Unfortunately, the golden rule is not a federal regulation.
黄金规则比其他一切都重要 Golden rule trumps everything.
黄金规则是第一 然后才是联邦法规 Golden rule's on top, federal law is second.
好消息是...我们的确还有一个座位 Good news... we do have one seat left
在下一班可选的飞机上 on the next available flight.
-头等舱吗？ -不是 不过是靠走廊的座位 - First class? - No, but it's an aisle seat,
已经算您运气好了 which is kind of a miracle.
所以您还有一段时间 So you do have a little time
可以逛一逛我们物美价廉的商店 to enjoy our amazing mall here.
-我们有卖椒盐卷饼 -椒盐卷饼 - We have a Wetzel's Pretzels... - A Wetzel's Pretzels.
我真是等不及 要咬一大口这些椒盐卷饼了 I can't wait to chomp into one of those Wetzel's Pretzels.
很好吃的 They're delicious.
-下午好 欢迎登机 -嗨 - Good afternoon. Welcome aboard. - Hi.
11C...直走右手边 先生 11C... straight down and on the right, sir.
还有头等舱的座位吗？ Are there any first-class seats open?
没有了 这班满员了 先生 No, it's a full flight, sir.
你看 这儿有个空座 Look, there's an empty seat over here.
直走 座位在您右手边 Straight down, right-hand side.
-您好 -如果有人没上飞机 - Hello. - If somebody doesn't show up, though,
你告诉我 好吧？ you let me know, okay?
我们可以想个解决办法 And, you know, we can work something out.
也许我可以单独付你一些钱 I can pay you separately, perhaps.
请去您的座位坐好 先生 谢谢 Go to your seat, please, sir. Thank you.
嘿 你干嘛呢 我打开这个是要放我的包的 Hey, what are you doing? I just opened this up for me.
-你干嘛呢 -那个位置就是我的座位 - What are you doing? - That's my spot right there.
我不在乎 你的座位又怎样 I don't care. That doesn't mean anything.
这边满了 我只能用这里的 This is filled up. I'm using this.
我不知道要怎么给你说 I don't know what to tell you, buddy.
在美国就这样 好吧 It's the Wild West, okay, so.
拉里 Larry.
-内森温诺克 -嘿 医生你好 - Nathan Winocur. - Hey, Doctor.
-我是马蒂的朋友 -我记得 - Friend of Marty's. - Yeah.
-见到你真好 -见到你真好 - Good to see ya. - Nice to see you.
你也在"海景"打球 是不是？ Ocean View, right?
是的 我们应该打一次 That's right. We should play a round.
-是应该打一次 -约一个？我给马蒂说一下 - We should play. - Let's do that. I'll talk to Marty.
-我叫上杰夫 你知道杰夫吗 -知道 爱死他了 - And I'll get Jeff. You know Jeff? - I love Jeff.
-这四人组好极了 -是的 很好 - That's a great foursome. - Yeah, it's a good foursome.
-真好 -呃 我应该坐这儿 - Great. - Uh, I think I'm there.
对 是这儿 谢谢你 Okay, that's me. Thank you.
先生 先生 抱歉 这边是头等舱 Sir, sir, I'm sorry. This is for first-class passengers.
-我知道 但是... -您的座位是11C 先生 - I know, but I... I... - Your ticket's for 11C, sir.
我知道 但没人坐那儿啊 I know, but nobody's sitting there.
你能帮我那个 升级一下吗 Could you give me, like, a personal upgrade,
我也可以帮你也升级一个 and I can upgrade you, and...
-先生 -不行？好吧 - Sir. - No? Okay.
先生 我能请你帮个大忙吗？ Sir, can I ask you a really big favor?
我有病理状况 I have a medical condition
我需要...我的膀胱机能过剩 where I have to... my bladder's really overactive.
我患有膀胱炎 I have a bladder condition,
我得频繁出去 and I have to get up a lot.
想问问你能不能让我坐外面 Is there any way I could sit in the aisle
你换到中间这个位置来？ and you would want to switch to the middle?
我不能和你换座位 I can't switch seats with you.
我意思是 我有... 我不能坐中间 I mean, I got the... I can't sit in the middle.
我...我有幽闭恐惧症 It's claustro... claustrophobic in there.
好吧 我就问问 因为我得不停进进出出 It's okay. I just have to ask because I'm up so often.
-抱歉 -我坐中间会死的 - I'm sorry. - I'll die in the middle.
坐中间也让我很难受 It's so painful, too.
我还得看看卫生间在哪儿 Just wanna see where the bathrooms are so I know,
-因为一会儿可能要跑过去 -唉行吧 - 'cause it's gonna be a run. - Okay, fine.
真的？ Really?
你真是个绅士 非常感谢你 You are such a gentleman. Thank you so much.
不用谢 You're welcome.
嘿 我运气不错啊 Heh-hey, my lucky day.
是吧 我也是 Yeah, mine, too.
我在找这个插孔 I'm just looking for the little thing.
-得把安全带系上 -我的天 - Gotta buckle up. - Jesus Christ.
放这儿 Give it here.
哦 可真行 Oh, come on.
能给我张纸巾吗？ Can I grab one of your Kleenex, please?
噢 Oh.
我只是...我想只是过敏了 I just got... I think it's just allergies.
我的天哪 Oh, man.
不行 不行 No. No.
不行 No.
先生 您能否把眼睛睁开 Sir, if I could just have you open your eyes
我好看您的瞳孔 so I can see your pupils.
请您试着放轻松一些 If you could just try and relax a little bit.
-深呼吸 -抱歉 各位 - Long, deep breaths. - Excuse me, everyone.
我们飞机上有位乘客有身体状况 One of our passengers has taken ill.
如果飞机上有医生 If there's a doctor onboard,
能否按一下您座位上的呼叫铃 can you please ring your call button?
先生 您现在... Now, sir, are you currently...
嘿 他们要找一个医生 Hey, they're asking for a doctor.
-算了 别 -哈？ - Mm-mmm. - Huh?
你不打算应召而上？ You're not gonna heed the call?
等一会儿就好 他没事的 Give it a minute. He's gonna be fine.
你怎么知道 你都不知道他得什么病了 How do you know? You don't even know what he has.
你有紧急降落过吗？ You ever been part of an emergency landing?
那样你就开心了吗 拉里？ Is that what you want, Larry?
你想在德克萨斯州卢博克市的酒店住一整晚 To spend the night in Lubbock, Texas, at a Days Inn
就得到一张肉桂卷店15刀的优惠券吗？ with a $15 voucher from Cinnabon?
你想一下吧 Think about it.
抱歉 Excuse me.
我想去卫生间 I'd like to use the bathroom.
好吧 Okay.
-去吧 -谢谢你 - Here. - Thank you.
就这样 别...别动着您龙躯 Yeah, don't... don't move too much.
别起来 Don't get up.
啊！ Ow!
呃 你能不能动一下你的脚 真的是?! Ah! Why don't you move your foot, for God's sake?!
真高兴在飞机上碰到你了 I'm so glad I ran into you on this flight.
我给马蒂打电话 我们约一场 I'll call up Marty. We'll set up a game.
好 好的 约一场 Yeah, yeah, we'll play.
噢 你起来啦 Oh, you got up.
我就这么一说啊 你整个航程这是第一次起身 By the way, that's the first time that you got up the entire trip.
你膀胱的问题都是编的胡话 That was a total bullshit story about the bladder.
-我有病理状况 -病理 - I have a medical condition. - Medical.
你有病理状况 You got a medical condition.
她有病理状况 She's got a medical condition.
总有一天 你真的想去上厕所 One day, you're... you're gonna really have to go to the bathroom,
到时候就没人会让你去了 and no one's gonna let you.
我整个航程都得一直... I had to sit in the middle
坐中间的位置 都是因为你！ the entire trip because of you!
谢谢 Thank you.
洗洗 我吧！
欢迎回来 Welcome back.
谢谢 Thank you.
回家真好 这是你的杰作吗 Nice to be home. Is that your handiwork?
洗洗 我吧！
不是 我不会做这种事 Fuck, no. I wouldn't do that shit.
你猜怎么着 我不会因为这个就洗车的 You know what, that's not gonna make me wash a car.
这只能让我不去洗车 If anything, I'm not gonna wash it.
洗洗 我吧！
-我也不会洗 -就为了烦这家伙 - I wouldn't wash it. - Just to annoy this guy.
我猜是个男的 女的不会做这种事 I assume it's a guy. A woman wouldn't do something like that.
洗洗 我吧！
女士们不会做这种破事 Ladies don't do that kind of shit.
女士们会砸窗户 给轮胎放气 Ladies bust windows out and slash tires
或者用钥匙划你车的漆之类的 and key your car and shit.
洗洗 我吧！
"洗洗我吧" 我要这么做 "Wash me." This is what I'm gonna do.
-我喜欢这个 -哈？ - I like that shit. - Huh?
你喜欢吧？看到"不"后面的逗号没？ You like that? See the comma after "no"?
-不！ -这个语法很讲究的 - No! - That's good grammar.
不，你 洗洗我吧！
-你来洗洗我吧！你来洗洗我！ -对 - You wash me! You wash me! - Yeah.
-对 -我喜欢这个 - Yeah. - I like that shit.
你看过那个电影吗？《谍海密码战》 Hey, did you ever see this movie "Arabesque"?
没有 是星际迷航系列里的一部吗 Nah. Is that one of those "Star Trek" movies?
不是不是 这是个老电影 索菲娅罗兰演的 No, no. It's an old movie with Sophia Loren.
-她太棒了 -她在这部电影里脱光了吗？ - She's gorgeous. - Is she naked in the movie?
不是 这个...这是一部六十年代的电影 No, it was... it was from the '60s.
六十年代的电影没人脱光 Nobody... nobody got naked in the '60s.
她肯定在别的电影里脱光过 She's gotta be naked in something.
如果你碰上了记得告诉我 Well, if you come across anything, let me know.
你知道我会找出来的 You know I'ma look.
他拒绝给那个人看病？ He refused to see the person?
他没有应召而上 He did not heed the call!
我不知道飞机上是怎么回事 I don't know what happened on the plane,
但他是很好的打球伙伴 but he's a great guy to play golf with.
很意外 Very surprising.
你关心和你打球的人的 Do you care about the character
个人品质吗 of people you play golf with
如果他们在球场上不来烦你的话 if they leave you alone on the course?
不 我喜欢和混蛋打球 No, I'm happy to play with a reprobate
如果他性格好的话 if he has a good personality
我会愿意和他打的 and I enjoy playing with him.
我可以和混蛋打球 I'll play with reprobates.
-哦 -是吗？ - Yeah? - Oh, really?
-是的 -你 曼森 拉米雷斯和希特勒 - Yes. - You, Manson, Ramirez, and Hitler.
曼森/拉米雷斯：均为美国连环杀人犯
-这是很好的四人组 -如果他们打得好的话 - That's a good foursome. - If they play fast.
-如果他们打得好 -我宁愿和一个打得好的曼森打球 - If they play fast. - I'd rather play with a fast Manson
也不愿意和一个打得不好的冯克豪瑟 告诉你吧 than a slow Funkhouser, I'll tell you that.
-向来是如此 -是的 你是有点慢 - Any day of the week. - Yeah, you're a little slow.
我把我的球放好 观察 再打 I line my ball up, I look, I hit it.
嘿 拉里 我和你说我们雇了个人装饰新房子吗 Hey, Lar, did I tell you that we hired a decorator for the new house?
我周日要去旧金山见她 I'm going up to meet her Sunday in San Francisco.
杰夫 你要送我去机场 1点 Jeff, you're taking me to the airport, 1:00.
别忘了 别做其他的打算 Don't forget. Don't make any plans.
-机场…天啊 -为什么他要送你去机场 - Airport... oh, God. - Why does he have to take you to the airport?
-他要和我告别 -和你告别？ - He's gotta see me off. - See you off?
你又不是要去印度 你去旧金山 You're not going to India. You're going to San Francisco!
-就一个小时的路 -那有什么样？ - It's an hour away. - So what?
和你告别？你晚上就回来了 See you off? You'll be back that night.
你知道吗 拉里 我一点都不奇怪 You know what, Larry, it's not surprising to me
你是这群人里唯一一个单身的 that you're the only one of this group who's here as a single...
-哦 好吧 - 没有女朋友 没有妻子 - Oh, yeah. - ... with no girlfriend, no wife.
也许你应该多送谢丽儿几次 Maybe if you would've seen Cheryl off a few more times,
-你们可能还在一起 -我不这么认为 - you'd still be together. - I don't think so.
-他想送我 相信我 -不 他不想 - He wants to, trust me. - No, trust me, he doesn't.
-杰夫 你想吗 -不 - Jeff, do you want to? - No.
-不管 你得去 -你知道你为什么这么做吗？ - Well, you're going to. - You know why you're doing this?
-为什么 拉里？ -因为你想毁了他的一天 这就是原因 - Why, Larry? - Because you wanna ruin his day, that's why.
好吧 克莱斯金 你能读心了 Okay, Kreskin. Could read my mind.
克莱斯金(Kreskin)：活跃于70年代美国电视上的一个催眠师
你自以为知道 You think you know what goes on
我脑子里的错综复杂 in the complexities of my brain
以及我是什么样的人 and who I am.
-错综复杂的你？ -嗯 - The complexities of who you are? - Mm -hmm.
你是谁 你就一个来自布朗克斯的犹太人 Who are you? You're a Jew from the Bronx!
我等不及想和她告别了 I can't wait to see her off.
-我真喜欢你的朋友 -他们是很可爱的人 - I really like your friends. - They're very lovely people.
好！ Okay!
请不要坐在椅子的把手上 Please do not sit on the arm of the chair.
晚饭已经好了 Dinner is served.
-好 太好了 -好 - Yeah, all right. - Yay, yay.
-好 -我喜欢 - Yeah! - I like it.
-你注意到了吗 -我注意到了 - Did you fucking catch that? - I caught it!
什么情况？ What the fuck?
哎 亲爱的 你忘了你的酒 Oh, oh, oh. Honey, you forgot your drink.
谢谢 Thanks.
哦 玛丽莲 这个桌子太棒了 Oh, Marilyn, the table's gorgeous!
-嘿 -嗯？ - Hey. - Huh?
你之前叫过她亲爱的吗？ You ever called her honey before?
好像没有 I doubt it. No.
你们约会过几次了？ How many dates have you been on?
-两次 -呵呵 - Two. - Pssh!
你刚说了一个过早的亲爱的 You just gave a premature honey.
我得告诉你 I gotta tell you something.
-一个过早的亲爱的？ -是的 - A premature honey? - Yeah.
太早了 还不能叫亲爱的 Premature, too soon for honey.
亲爱的还远着呢 Honey's way down the line.
你们要一起过个周末 You gotta spend a weekend together
或者一起去度假 然后才到亲爱的 or something in the country before you can jump to honey.
我知道你想干什么 I know what you're trying to do,
你想在这段关系中跨一大步 you're trying to jump ahead with the relationship.
但这样不行 你被抓包了 But it doesn't work. You got caught.
-你太夸张了 -啊 是是是 - You're blowing this way out of proportion. - Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
-她不在乎的 菲尔博士 -好吧 - She doesn't care, Dr. Phil. - Okay.
菲尔博士(Dr. Phil/Phil McGraw)：心理学家，同名电视节目的主持人
你就不知道你在说什么 You don't know what you're talking about.
-我觉得你犯了个错误 -一切正常 老兄 - I think you made a big mistake. - Everything is cool, man.
我能说一句吗？ Can I take a moment, please?
代表我可爱的女朋友 On behalf of my adorable new girlfriend,
谢谢你准备了这么好的晚餐 thank you for a delicious dinner.
-谢谢你们能来 -干杯 - Thank you for coming. - Cheers.
干杯 Cheers. Prego.
马蒂 干杯 Marty, cheers.
-祝你健康 开心 -很高兴认识你 - Health, happiness. - So nice to meet you.
-谢谢邀请我们 -非常好 - Thank you for having us. - Yes, very nice.
-你不能碰杯吗 拉里？ -为什么要碰杯？ - You can't clink, Larry? - Why do I have to clink?
因为大家习惯这么做 Because it's a custom that people do,
-这样很友好 -这是个很傻的习惯 - which is friendly and nice. - It's a stupid custom.
碰杯是什么意思？ What does it mean, the clinking?
-哦 -干杯 - Oh. - Cheers.
嗯 Mmm.
知道吗 拿到这样一把刀 切牛排的刀 You know, you pick up a knife like this, a steak knife,
你就会想… 我… 我就想 you get the urge... I do... that I wanna...
我就想捅…我就想拿着刀捅个啥 I wanna stab... I wanna stab with it.
-哦？ -是吗？ - Oh? - Really?
是的 因为你要拿起一个棒球棒 你就想挥 Yeah, 'cause you pick up a baseball bat, you wanna swing it.
你拿到一个网球 你就想扔 You pick up a tennis ball, you wanna throw it.
当你有一把…刀 When you have a... a knife,
你就想捅 不是吗 you wanna stab, do you not?
-是 有一点 -哈？知道他们应该搞个啥吗？ - Yeah, a little bit. - Huh? Know what they should have?
-啥？ -捅刀场 - What's that? - A stabbing range.
-闭嘴吧 -没错 一个捅刀场 你可以... - Get out of here. - Yeah, a stabbing range where you can stab...
-在那里捅假人 -哇哦 - stab dummies. - Wow.
你会感觉很好的 你会感觉很好 You'd feel good. You'd feel good.
这个捅刀场会坐落在哪儿呢 Where would the stabbing range be?
在河谷 In the Valley.
你觉得呢 玛丽莲 What do you think, Marilyn?
这刀…你想捅什么人吗 The knife... do you feel like stabbing somebody?
是的 我想捅某些人 Yeah, I feel like stabbing someone.
呵呵 有趣哈 Hmm, interesting.
非常棒的食物 This is fantastic food.
-谢谢 -这确实是 - Thank you. - It really is.
是的 我永远不会做这样的土豆 Yeah, I can never get my potatoes like that.
-嗯 -非常好 - Mmm. - They're really good.
这是什么 自来水？ What is this, tap?
是的 Yes, it is.
没有净水器？ No filter?
没有净水器 水龙头的水 No filter. Tap water.
哈 有趣 Huh, interesting.
很惊讶你没有净水器 Surprised you don't have a filter.
你说话也需要一个净水器 You have no filter.
-呃 这...也的确是 -这不是很明显吗 - Huh, that's... yeah. - Isn't it obvious?
-是的 -你想到什么就说什么 - That's true. - You just say whatever comes into your mind.
你一点都不收敛点你的感受 是吗 You don't really modulate your inner feelings at all, do you?
对我来说是好事 对水来说是坏事 It's a good thing for me, but it's a bad thing for water.
抱歉 我闻到有东西烧焦了 Excuse me, I smell something burning.
-拉里 -嗯？ - LD. - Hmm?
金鱼在这水里都会自杀 Goldfish would commit suicide in this water.
对啊 她在的时候你怎么不说 Yeah! Wha... how come you didn't say that when she was there?
你知道的 我是一个客人 我不知道 You know, I'm a guest. I don't know.
你像《叛舰凯恩号》里的弗莱德麦克莫瑞 You're like Fred MacMurray in "The Caine Mutiny"
当他和范·强生去看军舰时 when he and Van Johnson go to see the admiral,
弗莱德麦克莫瑞吓得腿软然后退出了 then Fred MacMurray gets cold feet and he backs out.
那是电影 这是现实 That's a movie, this is real life.
在现实世界中 你应该对你的女主人礼貌些 In real life, you're polite to your hostess.
当然 你很有礼貌 你为什么不呢？ Of course, you're polite. And why wouldn't you be?
这里有一个女主人 而且你有... There's a hostess, and you have...
这还挺可以 That's pretty good.
当然 当然 水 水 Sure, sure, the water, the water.
顺便说一句 我不是唯一不能忍受的 By the way, I'm not the only one who can't stand it.
不能忍受什么？ Can't stand what?
呃 马蒂喜欢我的水 Well, Marty likes my water.
-非常好 -看到了吗？ - Very good. - See?
你真的是唯一的一个 You're really the only person
对这水有意见的人 who has a problem with the water.
你知道吗 那只是水 你在敏感什么？ You know, it's just water. What are you so sensitive about?
我想让你离开 I want you to go.
我要被赶出去了吗？ I'm getting kicked out?
-是 我想... -你要赶我出去？ - Yeah, I think... - You're kicking me out?
是的 我想你该离开了 Yeah, I think you should leave.
难以置信 好吧 This is unbelievable. Okay.
好吧 很有意思 我们...我们真的 Well, it was fun. We... we really...
-并没有什么意思 -是的 没劲 - It was not fun. - No, it wasn't.
我留下我的刀 I leave my knife
与各位别过 and I bid you adieu.
秃头鬼
吃我屌
伙计们 看！哈！ You guys, look! Ah!
-嘿 秃头鬼！ -秃头鬼！ - Hey, bald fuck! - Bald fuck!
吃我屌 吃我屌！ Blow me, blow me!
你洗了它！你洗了它！ You wash it! You wash it!
吃我屌 秃头鬼！ Blow me, bald fuck!
闭嘴！闭嘴！ Shut up! Shut up!
哦 你是对的 拉里 Oh, you were right, Larry.
我和朗达吹了 I blew it with Rhonda.
我告诉过你那是个过早的亲爱的 I told you it was a premature honey.
她那之后一直很冷漠 And she's been cold ever since.
-是的 太糟糕了 -我说了亲爱的 - Yeah, it was bad. - I said honey.
-有什么大不了的？ -我告诉过他们不要加蘑菇 - What's the big deal? - I told them no mushrooms in this thing.
-我说过不要蘑菇 好么？ -我失去了一个可能的新娘 - I said no mushrooms, all right? - I've lost a potential bride,
而你在说沙拉？ and you're talking about salad?
-我搞砸了 -你看见...你看见一个妻子相的人在那 - I blew it. - You saw... you saw a wife there
你就叫她亲爱的 来把握机会 对吗？ and you seized on it with a honey, right?
-你就是这么做的 -我是在把握 - That's what you did. - It was a seize.
-你把握了 -我确实是的 - You seized. - I did seize.
-你确实把握了 -所以 我该怎么办？ - You did seize. - So, what do I do?
我不知道 I don't know.
哦 好吧 Oh, great.
朗达发来的 It's from Rhonda.
"我们需要谈谈" "We need to talk."
-哦 -我完蛋了 - Oh. - I'm through.
你完了 You're done.
"我们需要谈谈" 能有什么好事？ What ever comes good after "we need to talk"?
-没啥 -你听过这种吗？ "我们需要谈谈 - Nothing. - You ever hear this? "We need to talk.
我要带你去坎昆旅游" I'm taking you to Cancun."
-不 那不可能的 -那可能发生吗？ - No, that's not happening. - Is that gonna happen?
-不 不 -那不会发生 - No. No. - That's not gonna happen.
我该怎么办 兄弟？ What do I do, man?
-好的 -我该怎么办？ - Okay. - What do I do?
我有主意了 给她回短信 I got an idea. Text her back.
告诉她来餐厅见你 Tell her to come meet you at the restaurant.
-为什么？ -当她进来时 - Why? - When she comes in,
你开始叫每个人亲爱的 you start calling everybody honey.
-我做什么？ -叫每个人亲爱的... - I do what? - Call everybody honey...
服务员 经理 顾客 每个人 the waitresses, the manager, customers, everyone.
-为什么？ -因为...你就是这么个人 - Why? - Because... 'cause you're a guy
成天把亲爱的挂在嘴边 who just uses the word honey a lot.
-你的意思是这是我日常词汇的一部分？ -是的！是的！ - You mean it's part of my working vocabulary? - Yes! Yes!
那这对她有什么意思呢？ And what would that mean to her?
这意味着她只是亲爱的队伍中的一部分而已 That means that she's just part of the honey parade.
-所以 我只需要叫每个人亲爱的 -你叫每个人亲爱的 - So, I just call everybody honey? - You call everybody honey.
-我喜欢这个亲爱的队伍 -哈？ - I like the honey parade. - Huh?
-好的 我让她过来 -是的 - All right, I'll have her come down. - Yeah.
看 她来了 她来了 There, she's coming. There she is.
-哪里？ -那 - Where? - There.
-哦 天呐 -拉里 我不知道你在这里 - Oh, boy. - Larry, I didn't know you were gonna be here.
-嗨！ -嗨 - Hi! - Hi.
嗨 哦 等等 Hi. Oh, hold on a second.
亲爱的 你介意我拿把椅子吗？ Honey, do you mind if I grab a chair?
-谢谢你 亲爱的 -哦 不 我不...嗯 谢谢 - Thank you, honey. - Oh, no, I don't... um, thanks.
我只是...我可以回来 I just... I could come back.
我只是想快点谈谈 I just wanted to have just, like, a quick conversation.
我不想打断整个事情 I don't wanna interrupt a whole thing.
不 你没有打断 No, you're not interrupting anything.
抱歉 亲爱的 能给我... Excuse me, honey. Can I get...
-什么...你需要什么？ -哦 我只是想要咖啡 - What... what do you want? - Oh, I'll just have a coffee.
黑咖啡 亲爱的 A black coffee, honey.
你就要这些吗？你饿吗？ That's all you want? Are you hungry?
呃 嗯 我不打算待很久 Uh, well, I wasn't planning on staying that long,
-但是可能...可能我想要个三明... -哦 亲爱的 在这里 - but maybe... maybe I'll get a sand... - Oh, honey, right here.
-您的咖啡 -哦 谢谢 - The coffee. - Oh, thank you so much.
亲爱的 你能给我一个火鸡汉堡和一些薯条吗 Honey, can you bring a turkey burger and some fries?
谢谢 亲爱的 嗨 亲！ Thanks, honey. Hey, hon!
你知道吗 亲爱的 你能给我一些多的餐巾纸吗？ You know, honey, can we get an extra napkin?
嘿 能给我一些咖啡吗 亲爱的？ Hey, could I get some coffee, honey?
-嗯嗯 -亲爱的？亲爱的？ - Mm -hmm. - Honey? Honey?
谢谢 亲爱的 Thank you, honey.
我们可以买单吗 亲爱的？ Could we get the check, honey?
谢谢 亲爱的 Thank you, honey.
-谢谢 -所以 你想要谈什么？ - Thank you. - So, what did you wanna talk about?
哦 我周五晚上有空 Oh, just I'm free on Friday night now
想看看你是不是想一起做点什么 and wanted to see if you wanted to do something together.
来我工作的地方接我？我大概8点结束 Pick me up at work? I'll be done around 8:00.
然后我们只用开一辆车 Then we'll have just one car.
-呃 当然好啦 -好的！ - Uh, yeah. - Great!
-你在哪里工作？ -呃 我在内曼马库斯工作 - Where do you work? - Uh, I work at Neiman Marcus.
-是吗？ -是的 - Is that so? - Yeah.
-啊 -我在男士那一层做专业导购 - Huh. - I am a sales professional on the men's floor.
如果你有任何需要可以告诉我 If you ever want any help, let me know.
那你既然提了 Now that you mention it,
我真的需要几条裤子 I could actually use a couple of pairs of pants.
随时联系我 真的 随时过来 Call me anytime. Seriously, stop by.
-我会的 -好的 给他我的电话 - I'm going to. - Great, give him my number.
-谢谢 -不客气 - Thank you. - You're welcome.
-拉里 见到你很高兴 -很高兴又见到你 - Larry, it's great to see you. - Good to see you again.
-非常高兴见到你 拉里 -非常高兴 - Very good to see you, Larry. - Always a pleasure.
你想我也出点饭钱吗？ Do you want me to leave any money for this?
-你请了吗？好的 -别操心了 - Are you taking care of it? Okay. - It's all right.
-好的 -他是个好伙计 - It's all right. - He's a good guy.
-敬我俩 -哦！你周五想做什么？ - To us. - Oh! What do you wanna do on Friday?
什么都可以 亲爱的 Anything you want, honey.
哦 Oh.
你想和罗伯去看周日公羊队比赛吗？ You wanna go to the Rams game on Sunday with Rob?
他有多余的票 He's got extra tickets.
我很愿意去看周日公羊队比赛 I'd love to go to the Rams game on Sunday.
我要送苏西去机场 Gotta take Susie to the airport.
她太不讲道理了！ She's ridiculous!
-好吧 我有办法了 -什么？ - All right, I got an idea. - What?
故意发送的误发短信 Accidental text on purpose.
请解释一下 Please explain.
你给我发一个短信 You're sending a text to me,
但是"不小心"发给她了 but it goes to her "by accident."
-啊哈 -然后在短信里 你说 - Uh -huh. - And in the text, you say,
"嘿 拉里 我很高兴去看比赛 "Hey, LD, I'd love to go to the game,
但是我要送苏西去机场 but I'm taking Susie to the airport.
我不想让她失望 I don't wanna disappoint her.
我们一直相处得很好" We're getting along so great."
-然后发给她... -发给她 - And it goes to her... - It goes to her.
-...但是实际上应该是发给你的 -发给我的！ - ... but it was meant to you. - Meant to me!
-说苏西多棒... -苏西多棒 - Saying how great Susie is... - How great Susie is.
-...然后我多爱她 -是的 - ... and how much I love her. - Yeah.
你 先生 是一个顶级好人 You, sir, are an amazing man.
-我现在就给苏西发短信 -哦 他们来了 - I am texting Susie right now. - Oh, here they are.
-拉里 杰夫 -你好 - Larry, Jeff. - Hello.
-谢谢你让我加入 -不客气 - Thanks for letting me join you guys. - Sure.
-是的 -你该看看这位在场上 - Yeah. - You should see this guy on the range.
-你让杆数多少？ -10 - What's your handicap? - 10.
-你呢？ -15 - What are you? - 15.
我们可以玩点有意思的 赌点儿干粮 We should make it interesting, play for some cheddar.
-当然 -是吗？200刀如何？ - Sure. - Yeah? 200?
-可以 说定了 -好 - Okay, you're on. - Great.
我拿起刀就有捅的欲望 I pick up a knife, I have an urge to stab.
但是饭桌上说出来也太傻了 But it's a stupid thing to say at a dinner table.
你还为净水器发表了那么一通长篇大论 And then you made such a deal over the goddamn filter.
-那水真脏 -但是你没必要评论两句 - Terrible water. - But you didn't have to say anything about it.
看到这么脏的水怎么可能不批判一番 How could you not comment on water that's so bad?
好吧 我已经尽全力挽回她了 Okay, I've done everything I can to get her back.
送她花 砰 摔在我门口 I sent her flowers... boom... shredded on my doorstep.
我现在不知道做什么才好了 I mean, I don't know what to do.
-哦！-哦！ - Oh! - Oh!
哦！ Oh!
-故意发送的误发短信 -误发短信 天 - Accidental text on purpose! - Accidental text. Oh, my God.
-给他解释 -好的 你要这么做 - Tell him. - Okay, here's what you do.
你编一条短信 You send me a text,
然后装作不小心错发给她 but you accidentally send it to her on purpose.
短信里面你就写 And in the text, you say something like,
"嘿拉里昨晚你太操蛋了 "Hey, Larry, you were an asshole the other night.
她的水没问题 特别好" There's nothing wrong with her water. It's perfectly okay."
想说什么都行 咒我我都不介意 Say anything you want. Curse me, anything. I don't care.
好吧我以前没这么说过 Okay, I've never said this to you before.
但你真是机智 You're brilliant.
-谢谢 谢谢 -是不是？是不是？ - Thank you, thank you. - Right, right?!
我发明的这方法 我发明的 I invented this. I invented this.
他已经教我用过了 He already did it for me.
"亲爱的拉里..." "Dear Larry... "
-我想说什么都行 -什么都行 - I can say anything I want! - Anything!
"拉里 那天晚上你批判水 "Larry, you were so out of line
这种行为非常过分" the other night about the water."
-可以 -"如果玛丽莲没请你出去 我就亲自动手了" - Yes! - "If Marilyn didn't throw you out, I would've."
完美 Perfect!
该死 Damn it!
他今天运气有点差 He's had some bad luck today.
好吧 搞定 All right, there we go.
-喔这不错 -这不就行了 - Oh, that's nice. - Here it comes.
-好的 -嘿你那是几杆 - All right. - Hey, where do you lie?
呃 4杆 Uh, four.
看 Look!
她秒回我了 She texted me right back.
"我爱你 "I love you.
我知道这不是发给我的 I know this is not meant for me.
有这么个为我撑腰的男人多好啊" What a great man to stick up for me like that."
-难以置信 -谢谢你 - Unbelievable. - Thank you.
-难以置信 -是吧？ - Unbelievable. - Huh?
-真棒！ -杰夫 帮我扶一下旗 - Brilliant! - Get the flag, Jeff?
嗯 Yep.
呃 你今天打得不错 Well, you're playing great today.
不 今天很差 No, I'm having a bad day.
漂亮 Beautiful.
-喔 -漂亮 - Oh! - Beautiful!
喔 Oh!
-这是小鸟球么 -漂亮 - Is that a birdie? - Beautiful.
-哦我的天 -哦 诸位 我讨厌这么说 - Oh, my God. - Oh, guys, I hate to do this.
但是有紧急病患 我得过去 I got a medical emergency. I gotta get to Cedars.
-我们只剩下三个洞 -不 我这儿现在有紧急病患 - We only have three more holes. - No, we got a medical emergency here.
等等 你说啥呢？ Wait, wait. What are you talking about?
你欠我二百块 付清 You owe me $200. Pay up.
我是医生 这里有紧急病患 It's an emergency. I'm a doctor.
你在飞机上就不是医生 You weren't a doctor on the plane.
我得走了 患者需要我 I gotta go. A patient needs me.
哦 兄弟 你还有三个洞没打 Oh, boy, you're down three with three to play.
也就是说你一输钱就有电话找 是吧 Oh, so when you're losing money, you heed the call, is that it?
你知道这叫什么吗 You know what that is?
选择性应召而上 没错 就这个 Selective heeding, that's what that is!
你其实什么短信都没收到 You didn't get any text anyway.
都是扯淡 It was all bullshit!
-英格玛香水 -啥屁玩意 - Enigma? - What the fuck?!
喔啊 Whoa! Oh!
-天啊 -天 - Jesus Christ! - God!
疯子 Crazy!
只是香水啊 It's just perfume.
不知哪里蹦出来 跑到我脸前喷我 ... out of nowhere, right in my face, spritzing me.
-她们太差劲了 -拜托这算什么 这叫侵犯 - They're the worst. - Come on, what is that? What a violation.
你猜啥 她们通常会走开的 You know what, they'll usually go away, though,
只要你挥挥手 if you just wave them away.
-你挥手叫她走了吗 -算是吧 - Did you wave her away? - Sort of, yeah.
嘿 喜欢这个颜色吗 Here, do you like this color?
-嗯嗯 还不错 -好 - Yeah, yeah, that's good. - Yeah.
-好 试试这条 -行 - All right, let's try these. - Okay.
顺便请知道 By the way, I wanted to let you know
我很钦佩 I was very impressed
那天关于那水你能说出那样的话 that you said something about the water the other day.
呃 谢谢你这么说 Well, thank you for saying so.
你知道 很难坐在一群人之间 It's hard to, you know, get in front of a group
感到不舒服时 能把大家都在想的说出来 and... and say what everyone's thinking when it's uncomfortable.
你知道 我没问题的 You know, I had no problem.
好的 我给你找32码和30码 Now, I got you 32 and 30.
-好 -先试哪个 - Okay. - What do you wanna start with?
-呃 32吧 -好的 - Eh, 32. - All right.
-给你32 -看起来非常好 - Here's the 32. - These look very nice, yeah.
好 All right.
呃 好 Oh, okay.
嗯 他在厨房 Yeah, he's in the kitchen.
-看看谁来了 -嘿 - Look who's here. - Hey.
哦天啊 Oh, for God's sake.
看看 Look at this.
我的鞋带断了 My lace just broke.
你知道吗 屋里没有备用的 You... and you know what, there's no extra laces in the house.
你家有备用鞋带么 Do you have extra laces in your house?
不 谁都没有 No, nobody does.
我不知道人们为什么不囤一些 I don't know why people don't stock up on them.
-却存罐头 -嘿 有个麻烦 - They stock up on canned food. - Hey, we got a problem.
玛丽莲说她在内曼马库斯店里看到你 Marilyn told me she saw you in Neiman Marcus
-把香水导购推倒了 -是的没错 - push the spritz girl. - Of course I did.
你说没错是几个意思 What do you mean of course you did?
我被袭击了所以我推回去 I got attacked and I pushed.
你不可以推香水导购 You don't push a spritzer lady!
你真的是脑子里进了屎 You're out of your fucking mind!
这是侵犯行为 你不能走到谁面前 It's a violation! You don't just go up to people
上去就照着脸喷 and spritz them in the face like that.
这叫侵犯 It's a violation.
我们现在问题大了 We have a very big problem now.
玛丽莲对你不爽 Marilyn is not happy with you.
你知道我现在该怎么做吗？ You know what I gotta do now?
我得插进去重穿一次 I gotta go through and rewind...
我们先别想这个了 好吗？ Let's hold on to that thought for a minute, okay?
我觉得我能弄好这个 I think I could fix this.
请你听听我说话可以吗 Will you listen to me, please?
-把末端沾湿 -我不在乎 - You wet the end... - I don't care about that.
然后就这样 ... and you just do this.
玛丽莲跟我说 Marilyn said to me
我得做个决定 I have to make a choice.
要么是拉里 要么玛丽莲 It's either Larry David or Marilyn.
她给你最后通牒了吗 She gave you an ultimatum?
是最后通牒了 An ultimatum.
-你选谁 -我选玛丽莲 - Who'd you pick? - I took Marilyn.
我也会做同样的选择 I would've made the same decision.
这么说吧 在现在这个年龄段了 Let's face it, at this point in our lives,
想找到愿意和我们上床的人不容易 it's... it's not so easy to find people to have sex with us.
嘿 有逼就是赢家 Hey, vagina always wins.
因为逼 我哥没了 I lost a brother to a vagina.
他还真是个女权主义者耶 He's quite a feminist, isn't he?
逼搞定了他 Vagina got his ass.
再见 Goodbye.
那么我要是碰见你 你会不会跟我说话 So, if I run into you, are you gonna talk to me
还是说现在这就是最后一次对话了 or is this... this is the last words we're ever gonna exchange?
我不能跟你说话了 我会想你的 I can't talk to you anymore. I'm gonna miss you.
那么明晚我在俱乐部晚餐见到你时 So, when I see you at the club dinner tomorrow night,
-也不能跟你说话吗 -她告诉我 - no communication there whatsoever? - She said to me,
你要是再敢理他 我就走 "If you communicate with him, I'm gone."
哦嘿 拉里 那个索菲亚罗兰 Oh, hey, LD, that Sophia Loren.
-喔 -你看了她的电影吗 - Whoo! - You saw her movie?
嗯哼 《意大利式结婚》 Mm-hmm. "Marriage Italian Style."
-三遍 -我告诉过你的吧 是不是 - Three times. - I told you, right?
-女神 -女神 太美了 - Gorgeous. - Gorgeous. Fuckin' beautiful.
哦 天啊 Yeah. Oh, jeez.
我的裤子好了 Ugh, my pants are ready.
又要去见那个朗达了 Now I gotta go see that Rhonda.
-那姑娘有点不对劲 -嗯哼 - Something up with that girl. - Mm-hmm.
她喜欢我 那个路易斯的对象 This woman likes me. Lewis's date.
-你怎么知道？ -她很赞同 - How do you know? - Well, she was quite taken
那天晚上我对于水的观点 with my water stance the other night
而且我换裤子的时候 and she wouldn't get out of the dressing room
-她不肯离开试衣间 -她喜欢你 - when I... when I was changing. - She likes you.
没错 而且我明天还要去取裤子 Yeah, and I gotta go back there tomorrow to pick up my pants.
-你要出击吗？ -不 我对朋友很忠诚 - You gonna hit it? - No, I'm a loyal friend.
如果有女人给我下最后通牒 When women give me an ultimatum,
"要我还是要朋友？" "Who are you gonna choose, me or your friend?"
我会说："我要朋友。" I say, "I'm gonna choose my friend."
-就是这样 -你为什么要这么做？ - That's it. - Why do you have to do this?
你甩了我 你选了别人而不是我 You dumped me. You chose somebody over me.
-我没有甩任何人 -好吧 - I didn't dump anyone. - Okay.
我只是想说再见然后结束这一切 I'm trying to say goodbye and end this.
好的 再见 Okay, goodbye.
再见 再见 里昂 See ya. See ya, Leon.
-好了 走吧 -别说话了 - All right, get out. - Don't keep talking.
-你一直站在那儿 -我这就走 - You're standing there. - I'm leaving.
-那快走啊 -好 我马上走 - Okay, well, go. - Okay, I'm gonna leave.
-我等着呢 -别跟我抢最后一句话 - I'm waiting. - We're not playing last word.
-不抢 -一 二 三 - No. - One, two, three.
-再见 -再见 - Bye. - Bye.
-一 二 三 -再... - One, two, three. - Bye...
-见 -别这样 - "Ay." - No, don't do that.
再见 Goodbye.
-嘿 拉里 -嘿 - Hey, Larry. - Hey.
我拿到你的裤子了 钱都付好了 I got your pants. You're all paid for.
太好了 Oh, great, great.
好了 我们去试试吧 All right, now we just try them on.
-走吧 -哦 呃 - Come on. - Oh, um,
我... 不用再试了 I... I don't need to try them on.
-我可以就 你知道 -拉里 你必须得试试 - I can just, you know. - Larry, you gotta try them on.
裤腿改短了 得看看合不合适 They got shortened. We gotta see if they're...
没必要 我直接拿走就好了 That's not necessary. I'll just take them.
很快就好了 没问题的 It's just gonna take a minute. We'll be good.
我改变主意了... 我不想要裤子了 I actually changed my mind about... I didn't want the pants.
你穿这裤子很好看 These pants look amazing on you.
-走吧 -真的不用了 - Come on. - It's not really necessary.
-不用再试了... -拉里 必须得试 - I don't need to try on the pants... - Larry, you're trying on pants.
哦 对 Right.
我觉得裤腿很服帖 I think these lay great.
-你觉得裤口跟鞋子之间的距离怎么样？ -不错 - Do you like that break on your sneaker? - Yeah. Yeah.
我觉得看上去很好 I think that looks good.
我也觉得... 哦 不好意思 I think it's pretty... oh, excuse me, I'm sorry.
我们有个新裁缝 他手艺很棒 We have a new tailor. He does amazing work.
看上去很不错 I think that looks pretty good.
挺好 挺好 Yeah, yeah.
卷边也没问题 And the hem is right.
我觉得很好看 I think that looks good.
噢 天啊！ Oh, my God!
-噢！ -拉里！ - Oh! - Larry!
-噢！我... 不！ -噢！ - Oh! Oh, I'm... no! - Oh!
不是的 不是因为你 No! That's not from you.
这是... 因为索菲娅罗兰 That... that's from Sophia Loren.
那为什么正对着我？ Why was it in my face?
是个意外！是意外勃起 Because it was an accident! It was an accidental erection.
-什么？ -是个意外 - What? - It was an accident.
摔了一跤才是意外 No, an accident is tripping on a step,
泰坦尼克沉了也是意外 and then also the Titanic going down.
是的 但是就像泰坦尼克下去了一样 这玩意儿上来了 Yeah, but just the way the Titanic went down, this thing went up.
一样的... 一样的原理 都是意外 It's the same... it's the same thing. They're both accidents.
所以你是说你的阴茎就像泰坦尼克？ So, you're saying your penis is like the Titanic?
从某种角度来说 是的 我觉得... 可以做比较 In a manner of speaking, yes. I think they're... they're comparable.
这真是... 真是太不专业了 This is... this is really unprofessional.
-我现在很不舒服 -这叫不专业？ - I'm very uncomfortable right now. - Oh, this is unprofessional?
你觉得我换裤子的时候你站在更衣室 You think I'm comfortable when you're standing in the dressing room
我舒服吗？ when I'm changing my pants?
这叫私人订制 It's called a concierge service.
我这辈子都没听过这种说法 I've never heard of that before in my life.
我希望你离开 拉里 I'd like you to leave, Larry.
-好 我走 -好 - I'll go, yeah. - Yeah.
我可以... 拿我的裤子吗？ Okay. May... may I have my pants?
给 Here.
我觉得 腰有点肥 You know, I gotta say, the waist is a little big.
出去 Get out.
我系根皮带就行了 I'll wear them with a belt. I'll put a belt on.
比分多少？ What's the score?
14比7 14-7.
记得我跟你说过的温诺克医生吗？ This Dr. Winocur I was telling you about?
听好了 So, get a load of this.
"嗨 当宁夫人 我是温诺克医生 "Hi, Mrs. Downing, it's Dr. Winocur.
虽然我得在打高尔夫的时候中途离开 Even though I had to cut my round of golf short,
我还是很高兴那天去看了你 I'm glad I saw you the other day.
请一定按照处方服药" Be sure to take all the medicine as I prescribed it."
-又是故意发的... -误发短信 - Another accidental... - Text on purpose.
-难以置信 -难以置信 - Wow. Unbelievable. - Unbelievable.
这算什么医生 This is some doctor.
真应该被撤销执照 They should take this guy's license away.
他在飞机上 有人突发疾病 他都不肯帮忙 He was on a plane, there was an emergency, he didn't help out.
都他妈窒息了 胸口疼 Person fucking choking, having pains in their chest,
-你得站出来啊 -宣过希波克拉底誓词的 - you get the fuck up. - You've sworn to a Hippocratic Oath.
宣誓了的 站出来 除非有人拉肚子 Sworn to it. Get the fuck up. Unless they got diarrhea
或者其他什么类似的 如果广播说 or some shit like that. If they announced that,
"有乘客腹泻 "Hey, we've got a passenger who has diarrhea
无法控制 拉得到处都是" and it's uncontrollable and it's all over the fucking place,"
我可以理解 他坐着想 "去他的... I can see the person sitting there and, "Actually, fuck that.
我现在可不想管拉肚子" I don't feel like dealing with diarrhea right now."
我觉得你会很开心的 I think you're gonna have a good time.
希望如此 I hope so.
我喜欢你这件衣服 真的 I like that outfit you wore. I really do.
拉里来了 There's Larry.
进去吧 无视他 不要理他 Just go inside. Ignore him. Do not give him attention.
无视他？那可是个四米多长的鸡巴 Ignore him? That's a 14-foot-long cock.
-嘿 变态 -嘿 - Hey, pervert. - Hey.
你跟朗达在更衣室里的时候勃起了 So you get an erection in the dressing room with Rhonda.
-真厉害啊你 -不是的 里昂发给我一个视频 - How lovely. - No, Leon sent me a video
是索菲娅罗兰六十年代的电影里的 of an old Sophia Loren movie from the '60s,
是因为那个 跟朗达没关系 and that's what caused it. Rhonda had nothing to do with it.
-里昂发给你个视频... -是的 - Leon sent you a movie... - Yes, yeah.
你知道这种事会发生 You know how these things happen.
-就... 就那样发生了 -哦 就那样发生了？ - They... they just occur. - Oh, they just occur?
就像你在车上画了个巨大的鸡巴 Just like you drew a giant cock on the side of your car.
他在我车上画了个鸡巴？ He drew a penis on my car?
-妈的一个... -老天！ - Fuckin' A... - My God!
有四米长 ... it's 12 feet long.
-这家伙真是不屈不挠啊 -谁？什么家伙？ - This guy's unbelievable. - Who? What guy?
我不知道 我跟这家伙过招呢 I don't know. I'm having a fight with this guy.
他在我车上乱画 写东西 He's drawing stuff on my car, messages.
让我去洗车 He's telling me to wash it, and...
我不知道你他妈的都在说啥 Oh, I don't know what you're fucking talking about.
-这次画了个鸡巴... -你是合著了《爱丽丝梦游仙境》吗？ - Now he drew a penis... - What, did you co-write "Alice in Wonderland"?
-你真是个疯子 -你觉得是我编的？ - You're a fucking nutcase. - Oh, you think I'm making that up?
你觉得我会没事干往我车上画鸡巴？ You think I go around drawing penises on my car?
-我得进精神病院了才会这么干 -她给我下最后通牒了 - I'd have to be in Bellevue. - She gave me an ultimatum.
选你或者选她 It's either you or her.
冯克豪瑟的女朋友也是这么干的 Funkhouser's girlfriend did the same thing.
我知道 所有人都听说了 相信我 I know. Everybody has heard about it, believe me.
你选谁？ Who'd you choose?
-我选了她 -哼 - I chose her. - Huh.
听着 离我女朋友远点 So, listen, just stay away from my girlfriend.
女朋友？ Girlfriend?
糟糕 女朋友叫太早了 Oh, dear. Premature girlfriend.
-噢不 我知道... 不不不 -听着 理查德 - Oh, no, I know... no, no, no. - Listen, Richard,
我觉得我们现在还不是那种关系 you know what, I think we're just looking for other things right now.
我管谁都叫女朋友 我就是这样 I call everybody girlfriend. It's a thing of mine.
嗨 女朋友 女朋友 嘿 Hi, girlfriend. Girlfriend, hi.
亲爱的 亲爱的别这样 Honey! Honey, come on.
-求你了 别这样 -挺不错的 - Please, come on. - Oh, this is nice.
哦 你看看 Oh, well, well.
-这是谁来了啊 -嘿 拉里 - Look who's here. - Hey, Larry.
-你还记得贝贝么 -嗨 - You remember Bebe. - Hi.
-哦 我的天 谁会忘记贝贝 -很高兴见到你 - Oh, my, hi. Who could forget Bebe? - Good to see you.
我们在领行李时坠入爱河 We hit it off at baggage claim.
你们在领行李时坠入的爱河呀 You hit it off at baggage claim.
-多么美丽动人的爱情故事 -是呀 - What a beautiful story. - Yeah.
顺便说一句 我收到了你的"误发短信"了 By the way, I got that, uh, "accidental text" you sent me.
我没给你发过短信呀 I didn't send you a text.
嗯 嗯 嗯 我想你知道你发了 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think you know you did.
-噢 我给罗拉当宁发过一条 -哦 是吧 - Oh, I sent one to Laura Downing. - Oh, yeah.
-拉里大卫 -大卫 也在拼音D里 - Larry David. - David. The Ds.
-是的 是的 -他们在通讯录里离的很近... - Yeah, yeah. - They're very close, they...
是的 拉里 请相信我这是个意外 Yeah, it was an accident, Larry. Trust me, please.
-然后 贝贝... -嗯哼 - And, Bebe... - Mm-hmm.
没有询问你的病况 是我的失职 I would be remiss if I didn't inquire about your condition.
你懂的 每一天都是煎熬 You know, every day is a struggle.
-嗯 -但是今天 我控制得很好 谢谢你的关心 - Mmm. - But today, I'm doing good, thank you.
很高兴听到你这么说 Good to hear.
你确定那真是误发的短信？ Are you sure that was an accidental text?
-是的 我确定 Yeah, I'm sure.
你确定你患有膀胱炎？ Are you sure you have a bladder condition?
是的 我确定 Yeah, I'm sure.
好的 Okay.
-贝贝 来走这边 -好的 - Come on, Bebe. - Yeah.
欢迎各位莅临 Welcome, everyone.
谢谢你们前来庆祝 Thank you for coming to celebrate
提普麦克杜格尔在球场上的25周年 Tip McDougal's 25 years on the links.
我们将会在几分钟内开始 We're gonna start in just a couple minutes,
唔 你们懂的 小酌几杯 so, uh, you know, have a drink,
放松 就像在家一样舒服 relax, make yourself comfortable.
我们在几分钟之内回来 We'll be back in just a couple.
-嗨 大家好 -嗨 - Hey, everyone. - Hey!
所以你车上画的大鸡巴是怎么回事 So, what the fuck with the penis on your car?
我不知道 我觉得是我们小区的人干的 I don't know. I think somebody on my block drew it.
-喔 真的么？ -是的 - Oh, really? - Yeah.
-这太不得体了 哦 -天呀 - That is so inappropriate. - Oh, God.
你好 老理 Hi, Richie.
-嘿 -你怎么样呀？ - Hey. - How you doing?
-朗达呢 -她离开了 - Where's Rhonda? - She left.
你过早地叫了女朋友 Huh. You did the premature girlfriend.
你不能称她为‘’女朋友‘’ You can't say "girlfriend"
在你和她约会12、15次之前 until you've dated somebody 12, 15 times.
是吧 玛丽莲 我没说错吧 必须要... Yeah. Marilyn, am I right? It's gotta be...
好吧 好吧 呃 Yeah, yeah. Ah.
嗨 冯克兄 你能... Hey, Funk Man, would you, uh...
能把面包递给我么？ would you mind passing the bread this way?
你介意给马蒂说让他递一下面包么？ Would you mind asking Marty to pass the bread?
马蒂 请把面包递给我 我快饿死了 Marty, please pass me the bread. I'm famished.
玛丽莲 只是今晚 Marilyn, just for tonight,
你可不可以豁免 would... could you give him an exemption
你设定的不说话条约？ from the no-talking rule that you've imposed?
-不 -只是今晚 这样我们就能有点乐趣 - No. - Just for tonight so we can all have some fun.
-不 -我们坐在一张桌子上 - No. - We're at the same table...
你要求的豁免被否决了 Exemption denied.
好的吧 Okay.
嘿 这很有意思 不是么？ Hey, this is fun, huh?
我正在度过最美妙的时光 I'm having the time of my life.
这真是一段美好的时光 This is really a blast.
不幸的是 我们需要早点离席 Too bad we're gonna have to leave early.
我要收拾行李去旧金山 I gotta pack. San Francisco.
你知道的 杰夫要载我去机场 And Jeff's driving me to the airport, you know.
以为我会相信那个狗屁误发短信？ Think I was gonna buy that bullshit accidental text?
"哦 我很爱我的妻子 "Oh, I love my wife so much
然后 然后我就要错过看球赛了" and... and I'll miss the football game."
你认为我会相信那个“故意发送的误发短信”么 You think I bought that "accidental text on purpose"?
什么叫“故意发送的误发短信”？ What... what is an accidental text on purpose?
你给某人发短信 You send somebody a text,
假装是发给另一个人 pretending it to be to somebody else
这样他们就认为他们读的是私人短信 so they think they're reading a private text.
但是 事实上 这就是他们想做的 But, really, what they're trying to do
给你这些信息 is give you the information
他们想掌控你 that they want to manipulate you with.
-真是狗屁 -唔 - It's bullshit. - Huh.
你有没有给我发过“故意发送的误发短信”？ Did you send me an accidental text on purpose?
哦... Oh...
你发过 那是一条狗屁短信 You did. That was a bullshit text.
我记不起来了 I... I don't remember that.
你喜欢喝我家的水么？ Do you like my water?
我...你知道 我真的...真的不记得我那样做过 I... you know, I really don't... I don't remember doing that.
你喜欢喝我家的水么？ Do you like my water?
我受不了那个水 I can't stand your water.
我不能...我都不知道该说些什么 I can't... I don't even know what to say.
那个味道就像是把草放到了青蛙的下体 It's like I took a straw and put it in a frog's ass.
真令人作呕 It makes me sick!
每当我靠近它都想吐 I wanna barf every time I get near it.
我不能忍受那个味道 我不能忍受那个色泽 I can't stand the smell, I can't stand the color,
我不能忍受那个口感 and I cannot stand the taste.
我再也受不了了 I can't take it anymore!
你猜啥 想和他说话 你随便说吧 You know what, talk to him all you want.
哇哦 你是这张桌上仅剩的 Wow, you're the only guy at this table
有女伴的人了 that could hold on to a woman.
谢谢 各位 今晚的出席 Thank you, everyone, for coming tonight
向提普麦克杜格尔和他妻子南希致敬 to honor Tip McDougal and his lovely wife, Nancy.
我们海景家族今晚就要少一个令人尊敬的会员了 We're losing a beloved member of the Ocean View family.
-嗯嗯 -提普 我们会怀念你的 - Aw. - Tip, we'll miss you.
不过退休后 也许提普终于可以 打一把真的高尔夫了 But in retirement, maybe Tip will finally be able to play some golf.
我们和提普共享好时光 We had so many great times with Tip
也有艰难的时候 and some rough ones, too.
但是他大部分时间都在状态 But he was mostly on the fairway.
我记得有一次打全场赛 他打了... I remember one time on the 18th hole, he had knocked...
拉里 非常抱歉因为这件事情打扰你 但是我只有两分钟了 Larry, I hate to even bother you with this, but I'm on in two minutes.
这个家伙刚把我的笑话讲了 你可以帮下我么？ This guy just took my joke. Can you help me out?
你在说什么？这是喜剧的紧急求助 What are you talking about? This is a comedy emergency.
-我下班了 -为什么你不能帮我呢？ - I'm off duty. - Why won't you help me?
你忽视了飞机上别人的求救 You didn't heed the call on the plane.
你还赖了200刀的赌账 You welched on a $200 bet.
你还给我发了故意发送的误发短信 You sent me an accidental text on purpose.
“故意发送的误发短信”是我发明的 好么？ I invented the accidental text, okay?
好了 回到你的桌子上 离开这里 回去 Yeah, go back to your table. Get out. Go back.
另外 你 And, you...
你一个晚上不停的喝水 You've been drinking water all night,
但是一次洗手间都没有去 haven't made one trip to the bathroom.
一次都没有 我一直在等你去 Not one trip. I've been clocking you.
这位先生 我有病况 Sir. Sir! I have a condition.
哦 你有病况 好的 Yeah, you have a condition, all right.
你是一个神经病 You're a psychopath who uses a weak bladder
用有病的膀胱做借口来占他人便宜 to take advantage of people.
但是首先 有请球场上最有趣的 But first, the funniest doc on the links,
内森温诺克医生 Dr. Nathan Winocur.
来 上台吧 Come on up here.
你们会爱上他的 You're gonna love this guy.
拉里 你好 我是戴夫 Larry. Hey. It's Dave.
-哦 你好 -我们隔了三户 - Oh! Hey. - Three houses down.
-你还好么 -好的 很好 - How are you? - Yeah, yeah, good, good.
很高兴在这里见到你 拉里 It's really good to see you here, Larry.
是呀 见到你很高兴 Yeah, good... good to see you.
是呀 我很喜欢洗车 Yeah. I love the car wash.
-哦 天呀 就是 -是吧？ - Oh, my God, yeah. - Right?
这太迷人了 你知道么 It's just endlessly fascinating, you know?
把车开到履带上 It comes down on a conveyer,
然后冲刷 冲洗 the brushes, the water.
-看得你也想体验一把 -这是真的 - You feel like you wanna go through it. - That's right.
-你知道么？ -你说的太对了 - You know? - That's exactly right.
我看见了一辆很脏的车 拉里 我都为它感到抱歉 I look at a dirty car, Larry, and I feel sorry for it.
看起来它就在像嘶吼 It's almost like it's screaming out,
"洗洗我吧! "Wash me!
洗洗我吧!" Wash me."
-拉里 很高兴见到你 -嗯 - Good to see you, Larry. - Yeah.
英语字幕来源：subscene.com 字幕翻译与制作：610/YT/Crystal/KAI/Carol/44